Dr. Ruth Westheimer, the diminutive sex therapist who became a pop icon, media star and best-selling author through her frank talk about once-taboo bedroom topics, has died. She was 96.
Westheimer died on Friday at her home in New York City, surrounded by her family, according to publicist and friend Pierre Lehu.
Westheimer never advocated risky sexual behavior. Instead, she encouraged an open dialogue on previously closeted issues that affected her audience of millions. Her one recurring theme was there was nothing to be ashamed of.
B次元官网网址淚 still hold old-fashioned values and IB次元官网网址檓 a bit of a square,B次元官网网址� she told students at Michigan City High School in 2002. B次元官网网址淪ex is a private art and a private matter. But still, it is a subject we must talk about.B次元官网网址�
WestheimerB次元官网网址檚 giggly, German-accented voice, coupled with her 4-foot-7 frame, made her an unlikely looking B次元官网网址� and sounding B次元官网网址� outlet for B次元官网网址渟exual literacy.B次元官网网址� The contradiction was one of the keys to her success.
But it was her extensive knowledge and training, coupled with her humorous, nonjudgmental manner, that catapulted her local radio program, B次元官网网址淪exually Speaking,B次元官网网址� into the national spotlight in the early 1980s. She had an open approach to what two consenting adults did in the privacy of their home.
B次元官网网址淭ell him youB次元官网网址檙e not going to initiate,B次元官网网址� she told a concerned caller in June 1982. B次元官网网址淭ell him that Dr. Westheimer said that youB次元官网网址檙e not going to die if he doesnB次元官网网址檛 have sex for one week.B次元官网网址�
As a sign of her appeal across the generations and social culture, tributes came from actor-comedian Adam Sandler B次元官网网址� B次元官网网址淪he always made us smile,B次元官网网址� he wrote on X B次元官网网址� to New York Gov. Kathy Hochul, who appointed Westheimer the stateB次元官网网址檚 Ambassador of Loneliness. B次元官网网址淢ay her memory be a blessing,B次元官网网址� said the governor in a statement. B次元官网网址漇he was brave, funny, candid and brilliant.B次元官网网址�
Her radio success opened new doors, and in 1983 she wrote the first of more than 40 books: B次元官网网址淒r. RuthB次元官网网址檚 Guide to Good Sex,B次元官网网址� demystifying sex with both rationality and humor. There was even a board game, Dr. RuthB次元官网网址檚 Game of Good Sex.
She soon became a regular on the late-night television talk-show circuit, bringing her personality to the national stage. Her rise coincided with the early days of the AIDS epidemic, when frank sexual talk became a necessity.
B次元官网网址淚f we could bring about talking about sexual activity the way we talk about diet B次元官网网址� the way we talk about food B次元官网网址� without it having this kind of connotation that thereB次元官网网址檚 something not right about it, then we would be a step further. But we have to do it with good taste,B次元官网网址� she told Johnny Carson in 1982.
She normalized the use of words like B次元官网网址減enisB次元官网网址� and B次元官网网址渧aginaB次元官网网址� on radio and TV, aided by her Jewish grandmotherly accent, which The Wall Street Journal once said was B次元官网网址渁 cross between Henry Kissinger and Minnie Mouse.B次元官网网址� People magazine included her in their list of B次元官网网址淭he Most Intriguing People of the Century.B次元官网网址� She even made it into a Shania Twain song: B次元官网网址淣o, I donB次元官网网址檛 need proof to show me the truth/Not even Dr. Ruth is gonna tell me how I feel.B次元官网网址�
Westheimer defended abortion rights, suggested older people have sex after a good nightB次元官网网址檚 sleep and was an outspoken advocate of condom use. She believed in monogamy.
In the 1980s, she stood up for gay men at the height of the AIDS epidemic and spoke out loudly for the LGBTQ community. She said she defended people deemed by some far-right Christians to be B次元官网网址渟ubhumanB次元官网网址� because of her own past.
Born Karola Ruth Siegel in Frankfurt, Germany, in 1928, she was an only child. At 10, she was sent by her parents to Switzerland to escape Kristallnacht B次元官网网址� the NazisB次元官网网址� 1938 pogrom that served as a precursor to the Holocaust. She never saw her parents again; Westheimer believed they were killed in the gas chambers at Auschwitz.
At the age of 16, she moved to Palestine and joined the Haganah, the underground movement for Israeli independence. She was trained as a sniper, although she said she never shot at anyone.
Her legs were severely wounded when a bomb exploded in her dormitory, killing many of her friends. She said it was only through the work of a B次元官网网址渟uperbB次元官网网址� surgeon that she could walk and ski again.
She married her first husband, an Israeli soldier, in 1950, and they moved to Paris as she pursued an education. Although not a high school graduate, Westheimer was accepted into the Sorbonne to study psychology after passing an entrance exam.
The marriage ended in 1955; the next year, Westheimer went to New York with her new boyfriend, a Frenchman who became her second husband and father to her daughter, Miriam.
In 1961, after a second divorce, she finally met her life partner: Manfred Westheimer, a fellow refugee from Nazi Germany. The couple was married and had a son, Joel. They remained wed for 36 years until B次元官网网址淔redB次元官网网址� B次元官网网址� as she called him B次元官网网址� died of heart failure in 1997.
After receiving her doctorate in education from Columbia University, she went on to teach at Lehman College in the Bronx. While there she developed a specialty B次元官网网址� instructing professors how to teach sex education. It would eventually become the core of her curriculum.
B次元官网网址淚 soon realized that while I knew enough about education, I did not really know enough about sex,B次元官网网址� she wrote in her 1987 autobiography. Westheimer then decided take classes with the renowned sex therapist, Dr. Helen Singer Kaplan.
It was there that she had discovered her calling. Soon, as she once said in a typically folksy comment, she was dispensing sexual advice B次元官网网址渓ike good chicken soup.B次元官网网址�
B次元官网网址淚 came from an Orthodox Jewish home so sex for us Jews was never considered a sin,B次元官网网址� she told The Guardian in 2019.
In 1984, her radio program was nationally syndicated. A year later, she debuted in her own television program, B次元官网网址淭he Dr. Ruth Show,B次元官网网址� which went on to win an Ace Award for excellence in cable television.
She also wrote a nationally syndicated advice column and later appeared in a line of videos produced by Playboy, preaching the virtues of open sexual discourse and good sex. She even had a series of calendars.
Her rise was noteworthy for the culture of the time, in which then-President Ronald ReaganB次元官网网址檚 administration was hostile to Planned Parenthood and aligned with pro-conservative voices.
Phyllis Schlafly, a staunch anti-feminist, wrote in a 1999 piece B次元官网网址淭he Dangers of Sex Education,B次元官网网址� that Westheimer, as well as Gloria Steinem, Anita Hill, Madonna, Ellen DeGeneres and others were promoting B次元官网网址減rovocative sex chatterB次元官网网址� and B次元官网网址渞ampant immorality.B次元官网网址�
Father Edwin OB次元官网网址橞rien, the director of communications for the Catholic archdiocese of New York who would go on to become a cardinal, called her work upsetting and morally compromised.
B次元官网网址淚tB次元官网网址檚 pure hedonism,B次元官网网址� OB次元官网网址橞rien wrote in a 1982 opinion published by The Wall Street Journal. B次元官网网址淭he message is just indulge yourself; whatever feels good is good. There is no higher law of overriding morality, and thereB次元官网网址檚 also no responsibility.B次元官网网址�
Westheimer made appearances on B次元官网网址淭he Howard Stern Radio Show,B次元官网网址� B次元官网网址淣ightline,B次元官网网址� B次元官网网址淭he Tonight Show,B次元官网网址� B次元官网网址淭he Ellen DeGeneres Show,B次元官网网址� B次元官网网址淭he Dr. Oz ShowB次元官网网址� and B次元官网网址淟ate Night with David Letterman.B次元官网网址� She played herself in episodes of B次元官网网址淨uantum LeapB次元官网网址� and B次元官网网址淟ove Boat: The Next Wave.B次元官网网址�
Her books include B次元官网网址淪ex for Dummies,B次元官网网址� her autobiographical works B次元官网网址淎ll in a LifetimeB次元官网网址� (1987) and B次元官网网址淢usically Speaking: A Life through SongB次元官网网址� (2003). The documentary B次元官网网址淎sk Dr. RuthB次元官网网址� aired in 2019.
During her time as a radio and television personality, she remained committed to teaching, with posts at Yale, Hunter, Princeton and Columbia universities and a busy college lecture schedule. She also maintained a private practice throughout her life.
Westheimer received an honorary doctorate from Hebrew Union College-Institute of Religion for her work in human sexuality and her commitment to the Jewish people, Israel and religion. In 2001 she received the Ellis Island Medal of Honor and the Leo Baeck Medal, and in 2004, she received the degree of Doctor of Letters, honoris causa, from Trinity College.
Ryan White, the director of B次元官网网址淎sk Dr. Ruth,B次元官网网址� that Westheimer was never someone following trends. She was always an ally of gay rights and an advocate for family planning.
B次元官网网址淪he was at the forefront of both of those things throughout her entire life. I met her friends from her orphanage saying even when she met gay people throughout her life in the B次元官网网址�30s, B次元官网网址�40s, and B次元官网网址�50s she was always accepting of those people and always saying that people should be treated with respect.B次元官网网址�
She is survived by two children, Joel and Miriam, and four grandchildren.
Mark Kennedy, The Associated Press
