Wearing a black shirt with B次元官网网址淔ight for your happinessB次元官网网址� on the front and B次元官网网址淪ick not weakB次元官网网址� on the back, Daniel Carcillo eats an apple as his wife makes a cappuccino nearby and their oldest daughter scampers around the kitchen.
This is the family he always wanted, just not the life he expected.
Carcillo is hurting inside and out after seven documented concussions in the National Hockey League and what he believes could be literally hundreds of traumatic brain injuries. Once his wife Ela, son Austin, daughters Laila and Scarlett and dog Bubba left the house, Carcillo explained where his head is at. It has been nearly a year since his last round of neurological treatment and right now the bad days outnumber the good. Darkness has returned.
This is a bad day.
B次元官网网址淚B次元官网网址檓 going to choose when IB次元官网网址檓 going to go,B次元官网网址� Carcillo said. B次元官网网址淚B次元官网网址檒l make that decision of how much pain IB次元官网网址檓 going to put my loved ones through that are around me.B次元官网网址�
He is just 34, hung up his skates in 2015 and wants to be known as Daniel Carcillo who used to play hockey, not Daniel Carcillo the hockey player. He spends his days now trying to manage the damage the sport did to him while also crusading against the concussions crisis that has hit the NHL over the past decade-plus. The league has taken steps to address the topic, but it has not faded from view by any means as the Stanley Cup Final opens Monday.
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The league last fall settled a lawsuit for $18.9 million with more than 300 retired players after winning a key victory against class-action status. It included $22,000 for each player and provisions for testing but no acknowledgement of liability for the playersB次元官网网址� claims the NHL failed to protect them from head injuries or warn them of the risks involved with playing. Commissioner Gary Bettman has consistently denied there is a conclusive link between repeated blows to the head and the degenerative brain disease chronic traumatic encephalopathy.
Carcillo calls the concussions issue an epidemic, though the alumni association and attorneys involved in lawsuits against the league cannot provide a real estimate of just how many former players might be suffering the same problems as Carcillo B次元官网网址� the kind of problems loved ones of players like Todd Ewen and Wade Belak noticed before their suicides.
Carcillo doesnB次元官网网址檛 remember any of his first five concussions but canB次元官网网址檛 seem to escape the anxiety, depression, lack of impulse control and suicidal thoughts that creep in. He feels better in the immediate aftermath of functional neurology therapy but that only helps Carcillo get back to his B次元官网网址渘ew normal.B次元官网网址� It also costs $10,000 each time.
B次元官网网址淢y greatest fear moving forward is that I will contract some sort of neurodegenerative disease like early-onset dementia, AlzheimerB次元官网网址檚, ParkinsonB次元官网网址檚, CTE,B次元官网网址� Carcillo said. B次元官网网址淎nd then my wife and my two daughters and my son will have to watch me deteriorate and die.B次元官网网址�
Carcillo spends his days now speaking out about the dangers of brain injuries in hockey and other sports. He frequently takes to social media, hoping to use the platform for the greater good.
But time is running out for the journeyman forward who played most recently for the Chicago Blackhawks. Carcillo doesnB次元官网网址檛 have a full-time job and estimates he has two years until he goes bankrupt. He considers selling his two Stanley Cup rings to pay for treatment and support his family.
Carcillo wants his day in court with the NH, to chart a path for the rest of his life and to save others. It is also a battle just to save himself after those 429 NHL games over nine seasons.
B次元官网网址淚 keep up with my treatment,B次元官网网址� Carcillo said. B次元官网网址淚 describe it as when youB次元官网网址檙e losing your quality of life. Good days and bad days are normal, all good days arenB次元官网网址檛 normal and all bad days arenB次元官网网址檛 normal but you just have to weigh it. IB次元官网网址檝e been in really, really bad places, like on the edge of killing myself. I just kind of weigh it against that B次元官网网址� not waiting until I get to that place.B次元官网网址�
Eric Lindros is fine most days.
The jarring Scott Stevens shoulder-to-head hit on Lindros in Game 7 of the 2000 Eastern Conference final that was applauded and legal at the time is cringe-worthy now. It came two years after Lindros took another devastating hit from Darius Kasparaitis.
Lindros was concussed at least five times during a dominant but injury-shortened career that landed him a spot in the Hockey Hall of Fame. Now a 46-year-old husband and father, he isnB次元官网网址檛 sure what the benchmark should be for how he should be feeling. He his own baseline.
B次元官网网址淚B次元官网网址檇 like to think IB次元官网网址檓 pretty normal,B次元官网网址� Lindros said. B次元官网网址淚 think so. We all have our moments.B次元官网网址�
Lindros could easily be the poster boy for concussions in the NHL given his experience as a star whose career was cut short. He was aware of the lawsuit but didnB次元官网网址檛 join. Lindros doesnB次元官网网址檛 want the threat of concussions to deter kids B次元官网网址� even his own B次元官网网址� from playing hockey. Still, he ponders an uncertain future.
B次元官网网址淵ouB次元官网网址檇 be a fool not to,B次元官网网址� he said.
Carcillo canB次元官网网址檛 change the punch to the head that gave him his seventh concussion but wants to document every step of his journey so that if he canB次元官网网址檛 save himself, maybe he can save others.
B次元官网网址淚tB次元官网网址檚 been pretty, pretty miserable: a lot of searching, a lot of treatment and a lot of money spent, a lot of friends lost,B次元官网网址� he said. B次元官网网址淚 need to get it figured out, or else I donB次元官网网址檛 think IB次元官网网址檒l be here that long. If I continue to feel this way, it doesnB次元官网网址檛 bode well for my future.B次元官网网址�
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Stephen Whyno, The Associated Press
