As we much as we love them, thereB次元官网网址檚 just something about the phrase B次元官网网址渢he in-laws are comingB次元官网网址� that makes the little hairs on the back of your neck stand up.
Whether itB次元官网网址檚 a comment on your lifestyle, how youB次元官网网址檙e raising your kids or just an off-the-cuff remark about your home, sometimes they can just rub you the wrong way. But hey, theyB次元官网网址檙e family right?
HereB次元官网网址檚 a few tips to get you through the holidays without creating a divide that takes a year to recover from.
1. Understand the cause
Some of the root problems with this complex relationship can come when you feel challenged in your role with your partner. We all like to think we are the most important person to a spouse (children excluded) and it can be tough when that notion is questioned or a spouse doesnB次元官网网址檛 stick up for you.
This can be especially hard if you feel like your ability to keep a home and family are questioned. ItB次元官网网址檚 important as a parent to be supportive and itB次元官网网址檚 equally important to have a conversation with your parents or in-laws if you do feel like they are judging you or your spouse. Sometimes they may not understand that a certain statement or observation is taken as a criticism.
On the opposite side, itB次元官网网址檚 also easy to feel stuck between a parent and a spouse B次元官网网址� especially if either of them are a little on the pushy side. Make sure youB次元官网网址檙e not putting unnecessary pressure on your spouse to choose between you and their parent or parents.
TIP: Make sure you and your spouse are sharing the positives with your parents as well. If you only go to them with problems or frustrations they donB次元官网网址檛 hear about successes or when you make up after a fight. This can create an unhealthy or biased picture of your relationship thatB次元官网网址檚 not good for anyone.
2. Set boundaries
Setting clear boundaries can help prevent someoneB次元官网网址檚 feelings from getting hurt and make everyone feel respected. Whether itB次元官网网址檚 how many sugary snacks a child can have or who will be hosting dinner, establishing these roles or boundaries early on can help family functions run smoothly.
If for example, your mother-in-law likes to take over your kitchen when she comes over and that bothers you, you B次元官网网址� as a couple B次元官网网址� may have to have a conversation with her and explain why it bothers you. That conversation may be as simple as asking her to prepare a salad or dessert for the next meal so sheB次元官网网址檚 still contributing, but doesnB次元官网网址檛 need to be in the kitchen. It may just be as simple as asking her to put her feet up and relax when she comes over so she doesnB次元官网网址檛 feel obligated to B次元官网网址渉elpB次元官网网址� in the kitchen. Sometimes, you just need to get someone to step away from a routine theyB次元官网网址檝e had for years.
TIP: Most couples struggle on some level with in-law issues. It does not mean you are in an unhealthy relationship. However, you canB次元官网网址檛 assume your partner is aware of any frustrations or concerns if you have not vocalized them.
3. DonB次元官网网址檛 over schedule your time
The holidays can be tough as it usually means blending both familiesB次元官网网址� traditions. This can create some obvious challenges. A lot of families and couples stumble when they try to jam too much into the holiday or schedule every minute of time off. Instead of running to several different locations on Christmas Day so every family tradition from both sides can be observed, try alternating. This works especially well if either side has out-of-town family. By alternating, one year with one side of the family, the next with the other, you create a schedule and donB次元官网网址檛 have to feel pressured to accommodate everyone all the time.
This can also help your in-laws plan their holidays as they know well ahead of time whether you will be joining them or not.
TIP: If keeping up with your familyB次元官网网址檚 traditions is feeling overwhelming, then donB次元官网网址檛. You can start your own traditions as a family that make everyone happy.
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