Marissa Lasoff-Santos and the person she would marry quickly fell head over heels in love.
Lasoff-Santos was a gay woman. Her girlfriend was a bisexual woman B次元官网网址� or so they thought. Now her partner has become her husband, and they both identify as queer. And things are better than ever.
B次元官网网址淲eB次元官网网址檝e always just had this deep connection, so thatB次元官网网址檚 why, like, I never stopped loving him throughout any of this,B次元官网网址� says Lasoff-Santos, a 33-year-old librarian in Michigan. B次元官网网址淚B次元官网网址檝e become more attracted to him. I guess part of it is just, like, that confidence in him and, like, he just seems so happy.B次元官网网址�
Lasoff-SantosB次元官网网址� relationship and others like it show that a partnerB次元官网网址檚 gender transition does not necessarily mean a death sentence for a marriage. Data is scant, but couples and therapists say that in many cases, a relationship grows and flourishes under the light of new honesty.
Such marriages, when they do prevail, can underscore the resilience of love, the flexibility of sexual identity and the diversity in 20 years after the in the U.S. and with in its sixth decade.
B次元官网网址淓ven though he was the one transitioning, I felt like I was going through my own transition,B次元官网网址� Lasoff-Santos says. B次元官网网址淚t was definitely hard to not, I guess, come across as kind of selfish, because I was going through all these emotions, and he was going through his own journey.B次元官网网址�
Kristie Overstreet, a sexologist and psychotherapist who says she has worked with trans people for 18 years, says about 2 in 5 relationships survive a transition. And Kelly Wise, a sex therapist in Pennsylvania, estimates that about half of relationships in his practice that experience a gender transition end B次元官网网址� for many reasons.
B次元官网网址淕ender identity milestones often arise around times that many things are evolving within people and their relationships,B次元官网网址� Wise says in an email.
A recent U.S. Census Bureau doesnB次元官网网址檛 reflect marriages in transition because the bureau doesnB次元官网网址檛 about gender identity.
Avril Clark operates Distinction Support, an online network that helps supportive partners of trans and nonbinary people. Her spouse, a soccer referee at the time, came out as transgender in 2018, changed her name to Lucy and brought the couple Before then, Avril says, they had kept their arrangement private and B次元官网网址渓ived a double lifeB次元官网网址� for 15 years.
B次元官网网址淚 needed somebody to talk to that knew how I was feeling,B次元官网网址� Avril says. B次元官网网址淎nd I looked around, and there werenB次元官网网址檛 any groups that were for me. They were full of people that were very angry and bitter and didnB次元官网网址檛 want anybody elseB次元官网网址檚 relationship to work because their relationship hadnB次元官网网址檛 worked.B次元官网网址�
Lucy Clark says Avril had been pressing her to come out for years, B次元官网网址渂ut I didnB次元官网网址檛 because I thought it would affect football. And I loved football and had it in my mind that I would give it up.B次元官网网址� She didnB次元官网网址檛, and she now manages Sutton United Women in south London.
Avril Clark says that when she took over Distinction in 2017, it had about 50 members worldwide, but now there are B次元官网网址渨ay over 500.B次元官网网址�
B次元官网网址淚B次元官网网址檝e got this group with all these people on it, all fighting, some of them fighting to make their relationship work,B次元官网网址� she says.
The Reddit group r/mypartneristrans, which describes itself as B次元官网网址渁 supportive, educational, and safe space for the partners of trans and gender-diverse people,B次元官网网址� counts 61,000 members.
Topics include questions about how to handle MotherB次元官网网址檚 Day and FatherB次元官网网址檚 Day; unwelcoming relatives; sex and pregnancy; and how to categorize a cisgender partnerB次元官网网址檚 sexual orientation. In other words, now that IB次元官网网址檓 a woman married to a woman, does that make me a lesbian?
Clark says some people call themselves B次元官网网址渉eteroflexible.B次元官网网址�
B次元官网网址淚t doesnB次元官网网址檛 mean B次元官网网址業 am a lesbianB次元官网网址� or B次元官网网址業B次元官网网址檓 a gay person,B次元官网网址橞次元官网网址� she says. B次元官网网址淚t just means, B次元官网网址楩or this one person I am prepared to be flexible.B次元官网网址橞次元官网网址�
She estimates her group is 90% cisgender women and 5% transgender or who may also have a partner in transition. The remaining 5% are cisgender husbands, she says.
For people already in a same-sex relationship, a partnerB次元官网网址檚 gender transition can bring angst but also self-discovery.
Lasoff-Santos says she had previously wondered if she could ever be married to a man. B次元官网网址淎nd I always said no. And I think itB次元官网网址檚 hilarious just now that I am.B次元官网网址�
Couples in transition find different ways to address life from B次元官网网址渂eforeB次元官网网址� B次元官网网址� trips, memories, weddings, anniversaries, family events, photos.
B次元官网网址淭he partner that isnB次元官网网址檛 transitioning may want to display and still share all of these versus their partner who may not want these visible or talked about,B次元官网网址� Overstreet says in an email.
Lasoff-Santos and her husband married in 2018 as he was beginning his transition. They had a son in 2021. When her husband shows their son pictures of himself pre-transition, itB次元官网网址檚 just B次元官网网址淧apa with long hair,B次元官网网址� Lasoff-Santos says.
One partner may sense a shift the other does not. Emily Wilkinson, 33, who lives near Seattle, says she doesnB次元官网网址檛 doubt B次元官网网址渢hat I love Cameron and will continue to love Cameron.B次元官网网址� But her vision of their love has changed since her spouse began transitioning last year.
For Cameron, 39, B次元官网网址淥ur love doesnB次元官网网址檛 feel any different to me, but IB次元官网网址檓 not the one who has to adjust in our relationship.B次元官网网址� They spoke on the condition that their last name not be used to avoid potential consequences at work, where they are not out.
There can be joy in coaching a partner in their new identity.
Rhiannon Rippke-Koch, 45, lives in a small city in Iowa with Sophia Koch, her recently transitioned wife of the same age. She recalls the first time Sophia got to be herself for a whole weekend, during a trip to Des Moines.
B次元官网网址淚 took her to VictoriaB次元官网网址檚 Secret and had them measure her for a bra,B次元官网网址� Rippke-Koch says. B次元官网网址淎nd I took her to Sephora, and they did, you know, the whole makeup thing where, you know, with color palettes, and showed her how to do her eyeshadow and foundation and all that sort of stuff. So B次元官网网址擝次元官网网址�
B次元官网网址淚t was awesome,B次元官网网址� Sophia finishes, beaming.
The couple also bond over experiences Sophia previously denied herself because of notions about masculinity B次元官网网址� musicals, flowers. Rhiannon says theyB次元官网网址檙e now B次元官网网址渕uch more intimate, and not even in a sexual way. But we talk about things more. We have more things in common now than we did before.B次元官网网址�
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