Nicole Crescenzi/Contributor

This article contains descriptions of trauma that may be triggering. Support for survivors and their families is available. Call the Indian Residential School Survivors Society at 1-800-721-0066 or 1-866-925-4419 for the 24-7 crisis line.

The trauma from residential school experiences is intergenerational B次元官网网址� passed from one generation to the next in different forms. ItB次元官网网址檚 not always physical.

For Janet Hanuse, one of the most harmful ways it presented itself was in a communityB次元官网网址檚 silence. B次元官网网址淲hat was normal was concealing each othersB次元官网网址� secrets.B次元官网网址�

Hanuse grew up in Port Hardy, a descendant of the GwaB次元官网网址檚ala-B次元官网网址楴akwaxdaB次元官网网址檟w and Wuikinuxv Nations. Both of her parents went through residential school B次元官网网址� her mother for three weeks and her father for 11 years. Both of them were left with scars B次元官网网址� seen and unseen.

B次元官网网址淢y father never spoke of what happened,B次元官网网址� Hanuse recalled while sitting on a seaside bench on a warm, sunny day. Lined with strands of silver, her thick black hair framed her face. B次元官网网址淗e said, B次元官网网址榠t was enough that I went through it. ThereB次元官网网址檚 no sense putting you through it, too.B次元官网网址橞次元官网网址�

When Hanuse would later recount stories sheB次元官网网址檇 read from residential school survivors to him, her father would simply nod and say, B次元官网网址渋tB次元官网网址檚 true B次元官网网址� all of it.B次元官网网址�

Hanuse said both of her parents were good people. Her father was a very smart, sensitive man. B次元官网网址淚 never once doubted there was love from my parents.B次元官网网址�

But, they carried pain. Her mother was violent towards Hanuse and her four siblings. Her father was violent towards her mother, and both struggled with alcoholism.

Before she was seven, Hanuse said her mother was nothing but kind. She remembered learning to make and fry bread with her. After that, things changed, becoming violent and turbulent.

B次元官网网址淚 later realized that my mother went to residential school when she was seven, thatB次元官网网址檚 when violence started for her.B次元官网网址�

What Hanuse didnB次元官网网址檛 discover until many years later was that despite the homelife violence, her parents were doing their best to shield their family.

B次元官网网址淚 didnB次元官网网址檛 know it, but they were protecting us. My mother was protecting us from things that were so much worse happening in our community,B次元官网网址� Hanuse said. B次元官网网址淚f someone else was a threat to us, she would turn 10 feet tall and bulletproof B次元官网网址� Her protection cultivated a fight in me.B次元官网网址�

The violence of intergenerational trauma was so prevalent in Port Hardy it was an unacknowledged, omnipresent norm.

B次元官网网址淚 never knew. Sometimes IB次元官网网址檇 be sitting, laughing, playing with classmates. Then they wouldnB次元官网网址檛 come back after recess B次元官网网址� I didnB次元官网网址檛 know what was happening to them.B次元官网网址�

It was in adulthood that she spoke with her former classmates and learned the truth about what the community was experiencing.

B次元官网网址淚t was horrific B次元官网网址� gut-wrenching. It was not a relief to know that I was not alone.B次元官网网址�

Hanuse learned about residential schools and was struck with a passion to know more. She studied residential schools, trauma, psychology and mental health in her post-secondary education.

She also sought out mentorship from other women who could teach her compassion, patience, strength and courage.

This, Hanuse said, was a pursuit of resilience.

It was through learning the truth that Hanuse could begin her own healing journey, part of which was coming to better understand and forgive her own parents.

When Hanuse was 25, she was pregnant with her fourth and youngest child.

B次元官网网址淎t that point, I had a total regression. I felt young and small and like I needed my mom B次元官网网址� which IB次元官网网址檇 never felt before.B次元官网网址�

Before that point, Hanuse didnB次元官网网址檛 realize everything her mother had experienced B次元官网网址� from residential school to violence from the community. She had been resentful and unwilling to need her mother.

But then she called her, and they spoke openly of needing one another, and of past pain. During that call, HanuseB次元官网网址檚 mother apologized to her for how sheB次元官网网址檇 been as a parent. It wasnB次元官网网址檛 the first time she had apologized, but it was the first time Hanuse could forgive her.

B次元官网网址淪he cried,B次元官网网址� Hanuse recalled between tears of her own. B次元官网网址淪he finally felt that forgiveness.B次元官网网址�

But the healing journey isnB次元官网网址檛 linear; it has ups and downs and twists.

When Hanuse had to leave Port Hardy to pursue her education, she left her children with their paternal grandparents and came back to discover that they had suffered from mental abuse while she was away, washing Hanuse with her own wave of parental guilt.

HanuseB次元官网网址檚 children were growing up and struggling with their own mental health, including anxiety and alcohol abuse. Hanuse herself had a brief reliance on alcohol and had gone through two turbulent romantic relationships.

It was when HanuseB次元官网网址檚 youngest child, Elleanna Hunt B次元官网网址� who uses they/them pronouns B次元官网网址� gave an ultimatum that Hanuse made a life-changing decision.

B次元官网网址淚 told her, B次元官网网址榶ou need to get us out of here. We need to leave. I need to go to Victoria, and if you donB次元官网网址檛 come with me I will get there myself,B次元官网网址� Hunt said, chin high while sitting next to their mother.

After moving to Victoria it took six months before their guard came down.

B次元官网网址淲e didnB次元官网网址檛 even know our guard had been up,B次元官网网址� Hanuse said. B次元官网网址淲hen our guards came down B次元官网网址� we were hit with a ton of bricks with all that trauma. We didnB次元官网网址檛 realize we werenB次元官网网址檛 processing it before.B次元官网网址�

Since then, thereB次元官网网址檚 been a huge effort within the family to talk about those feelings and to learn about mental health and healing together.

That has meant learning, making mistakes and growing together.

B次元官网网址淲e used to use a lot of blame,B次元官网网址� Hunt said. B次元官网网址淏次元官网网址橸ou made me feel this when you did thatB次元官网网址� B次元官网网址� We do that less now. We apologize, give each other space, and talk about it later.B次元官网网址�

Hanuse said as a parent sheB次元官网网址檚 trying very hard to see her old patterns and name them B次元官网网址� addiction, codependency, enabling and overcompensation. Most importantly, she wants to practise openness with her children, and with herself.

B次元官网网址淚tB次元官网网址檚 my mission to kick butt and break the cycle,B次元官网网址� she said. B次元官网网址淚tB次元官网网址檚 acknowledging what my contribution was to that. I need to understand it so I can change it and can break it.B次元官网网址�

For anyone just starting their own healing journeys, Hanuse said you need one thing B次元官网网址� courage.

B次元官网网址淚t started out having the courage to speak up, to confront it and say no, this is not happening anymore,B次元官网网址� she said. B次元官网网址淎s a parent, itB次元官网网址檚 having the courage to instil hope and commit to learning B次元官网网址� about yourself and your children and your own survival, and to forgive yourself. Be kind and compassionate to yourself.

B次元官网网址淜now that your parents did their best with their tools and teachings they have, and now youB次元官网网址檙e doing the best with what you have.B次元官网网址�

This is part three in a special series prepared by Black Press Media. You can find more of the series and other articles on truth and reconciliation online here.

READ MORE: Stories about truth and reconciliation

Do you have a story tip? Email: vnc.editorial@blackpress.ca.

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