A lot of work goes into making a household run smoothly, and the thread that runs through all the labor is money. ItB次元官网网址檚 money that makes it possible to fix a broken appliance, enroll the kids in summer camp and save up to replace the aging car. The mental load of money can be heavy. ItB次元官网网址檚 made up of those endless invisible tasks we engage in, and the future tasks we lie awake at night thinking about.
B次元官网网址淚 think it is important to mention the emotional weight that comes with worrying about money. Do we have enough for rent next month? Are we saving enough for college?B次元官网网址� Kate Mangino, author of B次元官网网址淓qual Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home,B次元官网网址� said in an email. B次元官网网址淭hose kinds of worries tend to chip away at our emotional health, especially if we think our partner doesnB次元官网网址檛 share this worry, and weB次元官网网址檙e alone in carrying that weight.B次元官网网址�
When it comes to the mental load of managing financial responsibilities, couples can fall into unproductive patterns that can lead to conflict, resentment and even willful ignorance. If money management feels unbalanced in your relationship, here are some ways to rethink your routine.
APPROACH MONEY AS EQUALS
If one person takes on most or all money tasks, there can be a tendency to fall into a manager/follower dynamic, which can create a power imbalance in your relationship.
Additionally, when one person is in charge and the other does tasks as assigned without understanding the full picture, it can leave that second person in the dark. B次元官网网址淭he person who is B次元官网网址榮paredB次元官网网址� having to think about this stuff will become less financially literate over time,B次元官网网址� Scott Rick, author of B次元官网网址淭ightwads and Spendthrifts: Navigating the Money Minefield in Real Relationships,B次元官网网址� said in an email. B次元官网网址淭his will leave them especially vulnerable if the relationship ends, either through divorce or the death of their partner.B次元官网网址�
Equality doesnB次元官网网址檛 mean each person must be 50% responsible for every task, or even that you each take on 50% of tasks, but rather that you acknowledge that in your shared success.
LIST AND ASSIGN MONEY TASKS
Schedule a money date or two to make a comprehensive financial to-do list. Who is responsible for which task currently, and how did it become their responsibility? Should any of these tasks be switched to the other person? Is anything not getting done?
Break down each task into a list of subtasks. LetB次元官网网址檚 say you both want to work with a financial planner, and one of you takes responsibility for finding one. Those subtasks can be:
B次元官网网址� Get three names of financial planners that meet your shared requirements (such as a fee-only planner, or someone with specific professional credentials).
B次元官网网址� Contact those planners to inquire whether theyB次元官网网址檙e taking on new clients.
B次元官网网址� Schedule consultations at a time thatB次元官网网址檚 also convenient for your spouse or partner, and prepare any needed financial documents in advance of those meetings.
B次元官网网址淚t is important to recognize that managing money is only one of many tasks required to run a household, so these types of conversations should not happen in isolation,B次元官网网址� Brian Page, founder of Modern Husbands, a community that shares ideas to manage money and the home as a team, said in an email. B次元官网网址淏e considerate of the other household burdens you each tackle.B次元官网网址�
OWN YOUR TASKS FROM START TO FINISH
As you list your tasks, discuss what B次元官网网址渄oneB次元官网网址� looks like for each. Set parameters, a budget and other expectations. Then, you each select tasks to accomplish on your own, with periodic check-ins.
Some tasks are complicated, but take them one step at a time. This is not the time for weaponized incompetence (though, in a partnership, itB次元官网网址檚 never a good move to feign incompetence to get out of a responsibility). If youB次元官网网址檙e stuck on a subtask, you can talk about it when you check in with each other.
B次元官网网址淩emember B次元官网网址� everything money related is a skill, and skills can be learned. ThereB次元官网网址檚 no B次元官网网址業B次元官网网址檓 just bad with moneyB次元官网网址� excuse,B次元官网网址� Mangino said. B次元官网网址淵ou just need to prioritize learning that skill, and practice. And practice. And in time, you get better.B次元官网网址�
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