The holidays, a time where families and friends can get together to talk, to laugh B次元官网网址� or get into screaming arguments.
There are plenty of reasons togetherness can turn into tension B次元官网网址� maybe that cousin you mostly love has that one opinion on politics or world events you just canB次元官网网址檛 stand, or that one nosy grandparent wonB次元官网网址檛 stop asking about your life choices. Perhaps someone at the table is struggling with a substance abuse issue or a mental health concern. And donB次元官网网址檛 forget that person who is just mean and miserable and spoiling for a fight.
It can be enough to make you want to hit the eggnog extra hard. But experts in psychology and mental health say it doesnB次元官网网址檛 have to be that way, and they offer suggestions for how to help manage gatherings that might be less than jolly:
KNOW YOUR B次元官网网址淲HYB次元官网网址�
ItB次元官网网址檚 important for people to know why they are going into situations they know could be tense or worse, says Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D, a licensed clinical psychologist who talks about the damage of narcissistic relationships.
Whether thatB次元官网网址檚 because there are other relatives they want to see or some other reason that is worth the potential drama, itB次元官网网址檚 vital B次元官网网址渢o be clear on the reason,B次元官网网址� she says, B次元官网网址渂ecause otherwise you feel like youB次元官网网址檙e just sort of a moth to the flame.B次元官网网址�
DONB次元官网网址橳 FALL FOR THE HOLIDAY HYPE
Watch enough holiday movies, and you could be lulled into thinking that a time of year where messages of hope and redemption are everywhere means your relationship with that conflict-prone person you have fought with in most other moments of your life will also somehow magically be all sunshine and roses.
B次元官网网址淭hereB次元官网网址檚 that kind of relationship-healing fantasy,B次元官网网址� says Tracy Hutchinson, Ph.D., who teaches in the graduate clinical mental health program at the College of William & Mary in Virginia. She says people want to believe B次元官网网址渕aybe this time it will be different, instead of just radically accepting that it probably wonB次元官网网址檛 be any different. But what can be different is the way that you approach the relationship and you approach the situation.B次元官网网址�
SOME SUBJECTS MIGHT BE BETTER OFF AVOIDED
With everything going on in the world today, it probably wouldnB次元官网网址檛 be difficult to have that political issue or current event where you find yourself diametrically opposed to someone you otherwise think well of. Well, you donB次元官网网址檛 have to talk about it, says Jeanne Safer, Ph. D., psychotherapist and author of, B次元官网网址淚 Love You, But I Hate Your Politics.B次元官网网址�
B次元官网网址淚 think people have a great deal of difficulty realizing that they can care about somebody and have a lot in common and all of those kinds of things and not be able to talk about politics,B次元官网网址� she says. B次元官网网址淵ou donB次元官网网址檛 have to talk about everything.B次元官网网址�
BUT IF YOU DO, THE GOAL IS COMMUNICATION, NOT CASTIGATION
B次元官网网址淒onB次元官网网址檛 go in trying to convince them that youB次元官网网址檙e right and theyB次元官网网址檙e wrong,B次元官网网址� says Tania Israel, Ph. D., professor at the University of California, Santa Barbara. B次元官网网址淲hatB次元官网网址檚 best is to go in trying to understand them and communicate that you care.B次元官网网址�
If someone says something you disagree with, she says, you can say, B次元官网网址淭ell me how you came to form that opinion, tell me a little bit about the connection that you have to that issue, what makes that so important to you, and ask them questions.B次元官网网址�
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
If you know your holiday family situation is likely to be tough, find ways to give yourself some moments of peace or distraction, Durvasula says, like going for a walk or taking some time to read a book or meditate. And donB次元官网网址檛 overlook that it is the holiday season.
B次元官网网址淔ind a way to commemorate or celebrate with healthy people, whoever those who might be,B次元官网网址� she says. B次元官网网址淭hey might be a subset of your family. They may be friends, they may be colleagues, whoever they are, do that. So at least you feel that thereB次元官网网址檚 something that happened during that holiday season that felt meaningful to you.B次元官网网址�
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