Rick Stiebel/Columnist

If I could wave a magic menu and change dining out forever, I would start by eliminating the three words that leave me mentally mutilating my napkin: B次元官网网址淗owB次元官网网址檚 everything tasting?B次元官网网址�

Nothing irks me more than sitting with my newspaper open in mid slurp of a first spoonful of soup or having a mouthful of meatball with a piece of pasta precariously perched on my chin and having some server swoop in to ask how everything is.

Staff at RickB次元官网网址檚 Diner or RicoB次元官网网址檚 Bistro would be trained to wait a few minutes at least before disturbing someoneB次元官网网址檚 meal.

They would instead approach the table discreetly and simply pause long enough to make eye contact with a sincere, silent smile.

That provides diners with the opportunity to address any concerns without intruding on the mood or interrupting the flow of conversation.

READ MORE: Rickter Scale

Although this may come as a surprise to the new wave of servers, not everyone eating out wants to share the moment with you or respond to your rehearsed robotic banter.

Circumstances can cause people to have to plan a funeral, close a business deal or deliver the news about a messy breakup over a meal. Whatever the reason they chose your establishment, thereB次元官网网址檚 a plausible probability theyB次元官网网址檙e not there to chatter with the hired help. Unless, perhaps, theyB次元官网网址檙e a regular customer seeking your service because of a relationship forged over previous repasts.

Back in the B次元官网网址�60s I worked on the Jersey Shore at a restaurant that catered to Legionnaires who hated hippies on general principle with a head topped by what most Americans considered horribly long hair.

Whenever I had to trade in my cookB次元官网网址檚 apron to wait on tables, my silent treatment and polite smile approach out-tipped my colleagues, a collection of college students who couldnB次元官网网址檛 wait to tell their customers where they went to school and what they were studying.

If you youB次元官网网址檙e in agreement so far, hereB次元官网网址檚 another bone of contention IB次元官网网址檇 like to toss your way.

When did it become common practice to pile two pounds of potatoes translated into French fries as a side on every plate?

Next time youB次元官网网址檙e on your way out of a place that serves the humble spud in that preferred fashion, take a look at the amount of fries left behind.

Instead of wasting acres of crops and freighters full of fryer oil, cutting back or offering refills would save money and might even promote healthier eating by addressing the ballooning problem of obesity that is expanding waste lines across the country.

Let those who insist on overindulging fill their boots, but spare the rest of us from the canola-coated carnage.

Finally, although this may sound like an old nit nattering away at a much younger gnat, can someone please explain why B次元官网网址淣o problemB次元官网网址� has officially replaced B次元官网网址淵ouB次元官网网址檙e welcomeB次元官网网址� as the go-to response de jour in the service industry?

Rick Stiebel is a semi-retired local journalist.

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