Amie Jay/Columnist

Why is accepting help always so damn hard?

Some of us know the scene all too well. Standing in the grocery line up, your toddler is yanking at your shirt, begging for the brightly wrapped candy displayed inconveniently at his eye level. The baby is squirming relentlessly in your arms, just one chubby fisted escape ploy away from your own Janet Jackson moment. YouB次元官网网址檙e trying to see through the bead of sweat that has dripped into your eye and keep ahold of the jug of milk with one abnormally strong pinky. A voice pipes up from behind you, a sweet looking woman with silver hair and a kind smile says B次元官网网址渃an I give you a hand?B次元官网网址�

Inside your head, youB次元官网网址檙e screaming B次元官网网址淵es, please take something, anything, out of my hands before I lose every last piece of my sanity in the middle of this ThriftyB次元官网网址檚!B次元官网网址�

Instead, you hear yourself squeak B次元官网网址淥h, no thank you, IB次元官网网址檓 okay.B次元官网网址�

Which is a completely ridiculous statement.

Everyone can see that youB次元官网网址檙e not okay, as you fumble towards the checkout. Screaming baby, chocolate-obsessed whining toddler. Your wallet slips out of its armpit fortress and its contents splatter across the floor. Your coins dart in every direction, completely frantic and out of control. Just like your day.

Why do we deny the help? What thought process could be powerful enough that we refuse the exact thing that weB次元官网网址檙e secretly-not-so-secretly praying for?

We donB次元官网网址檛 want to burden or inconvenience anyone. Everyone will think that we canB次元官网网址檛 handle ourselves. We donB次元官网网址檛 want people to think that weB次元官网网址檙e failing or inadequate. ItB次元官网网址檚 nobody elseB次元官网网址檚 problem.

That voice rings so loudly in our heads that it drowns out the truth of the other perspective. We know how great it feels when we get to offer our help. Genuinely and kindly, with the hopes of making someone elseB次元官网网址檚 load just a little bit lighter and our soul a tiny bit sunnier.

I was hit with postpartum anxiety and depression after each of my three babies, with varying symptoms and struggles. Though the fog was thick and the cloud that followed me was dark, I recall the worst aspect of all was the shame. People would ask about life as a new mom and I would lie.

I would joke about the weeks of torturous sleeplessness, casually commenting on those pesky hormones. If they knew the truth then they would think IB次元官网网址檓 a horrible mother. They would know that I made a mistake. I cried every day. Even when I had the opportunity to sleep, my anxiety kept my brain spinning.

READ MORE: MommyB次元官网网址檚 Inside Voice

I doubted every move I made, but I couldnB次元官网网址檛 tell anyone that. So we laughed and I lied, sparing them the awkwardness that would come from any kind of real conversation. I told them what they wanted to hear and camouflaged what I needed them to know. I wasnB次元官网网址檛 okay and I needed some help.

I finally found myself bleary-eyed and diminished, pouring my sorrows into my keyboard, splashing my truth to strangers around the world. The responses that trickled in were incredible. Where I thought I would find criticism and pity, there was community, support and encouragement, new friends with stories that mirrored my own. What I was dealing with wasnB次元官网网址檛 shameful after all. It was a common part of postpartum. It wasnB次元官网网址檛 a side effect of my inadequacies as a mother, it was my body struggling to recover from the marathon of pregnancy. Reaching out for support brought me the comfort that I was searching for and the relief of knowing that this period of darkness wouldnB次元官网网址檛 last forever.

The old testament of community has taken on a new meaning. Our neighbours and our friends used to enlighten our children, teach them their manners and shoo them out the door at dusk. We used to have hundreds of eyes on our kids instead of driving ourselves insane with worry that our one set wasnB次元官网网址檛 going to keep them safe.

These unnatural walls and expectations of perfection and independence have taken a huge toll on our B次元官网网址渧illageB次元官网网址� with new mothers feeling the brunt. We need the wisdom and expertise of the women that have come before us. We need their guidance and their baby-swaying superpowers. We need to remember that B次元官网网址渉elpB次元官网网址� doesnB次元官网网址檛 mean failure or weakness. ItB次元官网网址檚 a way of tying a community together and reminding you that youB次元官网网址檙e not in this alone.

MommyB次元官网网址檚 Inside Voice is a biweekly column by Amie Jay, a local mother of three.

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