Amie Jay/Columnist

Motherhood really sucker punched me right in the jigglies.

You can read all of the parenting books, go to your prenatal classes, talk to experienced moms, but you can never be truly prepared for what it all means until you become a mother. The exhaustion, the frustration, the body changes, the hormonal swings, the postpartum depression, and the energy it takes to get through the day.

The simplest of tasks can all of a sudden become difficult.

YouB次元官网网址檙e constantly aware, not only of yourself, your own actions and words but of the actions and words of the people around you. And of course, those of your child B次元官网网址� keeping track of their movements, their surroundings, all potential dangers (both physical and mental). Their language, their manners, their friendships. Constantly aware, adjusting, supporting.

ItB次元官网网址檚 exhausting and exhilarating. The craziest thing youB次元官网网址檝e ever put yourself through B次元官网网址� without even knowing what you were signing up for.

I used to be diligent with my friendships. I was proud of being a thoughtful and loyal friend, itB次元官网网址檚 something that I assimilated with myself. If someone needed me, no questions asked, I was there. If I had even the slightest inkling that a friend was struggling, I would go out of my way to reach out.

Surprise goodies left on doorsteps with a note of support. A night out with overly sweetened girly drinks, ending in drunken tears over puppy-love romances crumbling too soon. Pregnancy tests and ice cream.

My friends were my world.

And now, my children are my world.

READ MORE: MommyB次元官网网址檚 Inside Voice

You make a lot of sacrifices when you enter into the realm of parenting. Every decision that I make in a day is B次元官网网址渟creenedB次元官网网址� by my mom-brain. The one that sifts through my own personal wants and desires, cross-referencing them to my childrenB次元官网网址檚 best interests. I have sacrificed so many of my own wants B次元官网网址� so much time, so many activities, and so many friendships.

See, the truth is that most friendships arenB次元官网网址檛 unconditional.

Sure, they can excuse one or two unanswered texts, a couple of missed girlsB次元官网网址� nights. But most friendships start to feel a little bitter, a little resentful, a little neglected. Invitations dissipate and texts become more and more sparse.

The things I want to talk about now arenB次元官网网址檛 interesting or juicy like they used to be. Leaving the pub at 9:30 p.m. because IB次元官网网址檓 too exhausted and engorged to stay as late as we used to is not fun. I get it.

The excitement of the cute baby fades as the allure wears off and the absence of attention remains.

The natural course of maturing and growing within your life will have people venture in and out of it at regular intervals. Moving on from jobs, relationships, cities B次元官网网址� growing within yourself and your roles in your life. ItB次元官网网址檚 all normal. ItB次元官网网址檚 all necessary.

That doesnB次元官网网址檛 mean it doesnB次元官网网址檛 hurt.

That doesnB次元官网网址檛 mean I wish it werenB次元官网网址檛 different.

That doesnB次元官网网址檛 mean I donB次元官网网址檛 wonder if I could have salvaged it.

I am trying to accept that ebb and flow, acknowledging its importance and embracing its potential. In that acknowledgment, I am mourning.

I miss you, my friends.

The friends that have graciously accepted my apologies of countless unreturned text messages. The friends that give their attention, affection, and support with an understanding that it canB次元官网网址檛 always be returned. The friends that love my children, just as much as they love me.

I miss you, my friends.

The friends whose lives couldnB次元官网网址檛 stay parallel to mine in this giant shift of lifestyles. I understand. I think of you often, and still have hope that someday, down the road, our lives will be parallel again.

I wish I could spend more time with you. I wish I could not only tell but show you how much your love and friendship means to me. I have faith that one day I will have that time again. I will resurface, coming up for air after these years of diapers, tantrums, and Peppa Pig. I will look around and express all of the gratitude that I feel for you right now but am too exhausted to show.

In this insane life that IB次元官网网址檓 leading, where IB次元官网网址檓 constantly questioning myself, you help remind me that IB次元官网网址檓 still here. ME. Not B次元官网网址淢om.B次元官网网址� That means more to me than you may know.

MommyB次元官网网址檚 Inside Voice is a bi-weekly column by Amie Jay, a local mother of three.