Decades after her years teaching at an Indian residential school, the image of children arriving in a big, open truck stays with one of the Sisters of St. Ann.

B次元官网网址淗ow often did I see them, especially the little six year olds, struggling to jump from the back of the truck, blinded by tears of loneliness and confusion,B次元官网网址� wrote the Catholic nun in her written account of those years. B次元官网网址淭hat same truck, however, became a source of freedom and excitement when it was used for picnics B次元官网网址� (or) for journeying to pick low-bush cranberries.B次元官网网址�

This bittersweet memory is among many written accounts of teaching, nursing and child minding at residential schools by the Sisters of St. Ann, the last of whom are now mostly retired and living in Victoria. ItB次元官网网址檚 a side of the residential school history seldom told, because there is no public forum that welcomes it.

Last weekend, survivors from those schools were invited by the national Truth and Reconciliation Commission to share their memories. On April 13 and 14, dozens of former students spoke about their memories of abuse, shame and loneliness. Roughly 3,000 people came to witness, both from the Aboriginal and wider community.

While school workers were also invited to speak, few dared. Many, however, feel their accounts need to be told.

At the request of the commission, almost all of the Sisters of St. Ann chose to write their own accounts. They also shared them with the B次元官网网址, on condition of anonymity.

B次元官网网址淭he roles and services of those who worked in the schools have not been described in the media, except for very negative cases,B次元官网网址� wrote one representative of the group. B次元官网网址�(They) felt a need, in justice, to record some of the memories of a few of the Sisters who dedicated years of their lives to teach and care for the children in Residential Schools.B次元官网网址�

The Sisters were assigned to work at schools in Mission, Kamloops, Kuper Island near Chemainus and Lower Post. Seventeen of the SistersB次元官网网址� written accounts add another perspective to life at these schools B次元官网网址� one that shows harsh discipline wasnB次元官网网址檛 the only reality.

The good times

While all the children experienced homesickness, B次元官网网址減eople sometimes forget that we had a lot of fun with the kids,B次元官网网址� said Marie Zarowny, provincial leader of the Sisters of St. Ann.

The SistersB次元官网网址� memoirs describe tobogganing, swimming, basketball, movie nights and competitive Irish dancing. In rare instances, some effort was made for cultural learning.

One Sister describes inviting elders to come and teach.

B次元官网网址淥ne year, the principal brought us a large deer hide for the children to make small beadwork crafts,B次元官网网址� recalled another.

Many of the Sisters described their years as happy ones and wrote of loving the children as best they could, given the large numbers of children assigned to them.

Their accounts of the conditions of the school varies by location and year. Some describe full days of school, quality clothing and ample food. More describe half-day classes followed by chores, and science classes lacking equipment. They also describe clothes made from second-hand military uniforms, and hungry children stealing bread.

Some also wrote about working long hours and making sacrifices, such as remaining at the school over Christmas, to allow those students whose home lives were challenging to stay behind.

Responding to a need

Not every child was stolen from their families, said Zarowny. Some schools began as orphanages for children whose families were wiped out by disease. Some parents asked that their children be put in residential school.

B次元官网网址淲e were responding to a need,B次元官网网址� she said. B次元官网网址淥ur call was to teach children who wouldnB次元官网网址檛 otherwise have an opportunity for an education B次元官网网址� (our goal was) to help children to really be proud of themselves.B次元官网网址�

Of course, it didnB次元官网网址檛 often work out that way.

B次元官网网址淲e thought we were changing society by valuing the child, not realizing when they left, they would not be able to realize their potential,B次元官网网址� Zarowny said.

In a 2010 statement on behalf of congregations of religious women involved in the schools, Zarowny summed up their current understanding in this way:

B次元官网网址淲e were products of the times in which we lived, with the teaching methods, cultural misunderstandings, social attitudes and theology of those times. As well, some of our members may have suffered from emotional problems that they took out on the children B次元官网网址�

We now know that the residential school system itself, initiated by the federal government and in which we participated, was racist and discriminatory, bringing about a form of cultural oppression and personal shame B次元官网网址� We carry immense sorrow for having contributed to this tragedy.B次元官网网址�

Looking back with sadness

Today, many of the SistersB次元官网网址� recollections come with conflicting emotions.

One described her year working at a residential school in Mission as a blessing.

B次元官网网址淚 was honoured, humbled and loved,B次元官网网址� she said. B次元官网网址淚 gave them the very best I could B次元官网网址� all of me B次元官网网址� and I think it was reciprocated.B次元官网网址�

In hindsight, however, the experience leaves her with big questions: B次元官网网址淐ould I have known? Should I have known? And what would I have done more than 50 years ago? I donB次元官网网址檛 know.B次元官网网址�

Some look back with regret.

B次元官网网址淚 did realize with honest concern that they seldom saw their parents and family,B次元官网网址� wrote one Sister. B次元官网网址淚n retrospect, my regret is in not having had special training for this assignment. Perhaps we might have been more forceful in promoting the use and preservation of the native language.B次元官网网址�

Another Sister saw with clarity the injustice done to the children during her posting to Kuper Island.

B次元官网网址淭he fact that the children were not allowed to share in B次元官网网址� their worship of God experienced through their ritual dances, singing and prayers in the long house (made me) realize that we were keeping them prisoners away from the beauty of their First Nations life,B次元官网网址� she wrote.

When allegations of physical, emotional and sexual abuse at schools started coming forward, it affected the Sisters deeply.

B次元官网网址淚 no longer told my stories,B次元官网网址� wrote one. B次元官网网址淚 did not want anyone to know that I had ever taught in a residential school.B次元官网网址�

That changed in 2010 when she connected with the Cowichan bandB次元官网网址檚 Catholic Legion of Mary, where she was presented with the Elder Shawl and told, B次元官网网址淵ou must tell your stories because your stories are our stories.B次元官网网址�

It was a moment, she said, that changed her life.

Looking forward with conviction

At last weekendB次元官网网址檚 Truth and Reconciliation Commission event, the Sisters of St. AnnB次元官网网址檚 booth proved very popular. The Sisters offered photo albums from the schools, and former students pored over the pictures. It helped to rekindle a dialogue, said Zarowny.

From the beginning of the commissionB次元官网网址檚 work, the churches have played an active role, said Commissioner Marie Wilson.

Our hope, Zarowny said, is that B次元官网网址渙ur relationship with First Nations would become strong again.B次元官网网址�

One Sister wrote her hope was for forgiveness. Another hoped B次元官网网址渢hat First Nations people would take their rightful place in Canadian society and their voices be heard and respected.B次元官网网址�

Zarowny is skeptical, however, about the federal governmentB次元官网网址檚 determination to create meaningful change.

Many of the racist attitudes that gave rise to the Indian Act and the residential schools continue today, she said. B次元官网网址淲e need to address the schools, however, we canB次元官网网址檛 stop there.B次元官网网址�

Pointing to the Enbridge pipeline as an example of a failure to respect First NationsB次元官网网址� rights, she asked: B次元官网网址淗ave we learned nothing?B次元官网网址�

rholmen@vicnews.com

From the memoirs: Anonymous excepts from the written submissions by the Sisters of St. Ann about their experiences working in residential schools:

B次元官网网址� "I truly tried to nurture and love each girl"

B次元官网网址� "I was unaware of the system. I would have preserved the culture."

B次元官网网址� "I never saw any abuse and had no suspicions of abuse."

B次元官网网址� "The students were delightful B次元官网网址� The kids picked up field mice and carried them under their shirt to scare me."

B次元官网网址� "At times I wanted to comfort the children, but we were taught not to show affection"

B次元官网网址� "The kids didn't want to be there. They weren't happy (and) not used to this disciplined life."

Links to previous stories in this series:

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