B次元官网网址淚 don't even know where to startB次元官网网址� were Carol BakerB次元官网网址檚 first words as she readied to share her story. B次元官网网址淚t has to get out there so people can understand what the residential school survivors went through.B次元官网网址�

Kindhearted and soft-spoken, the grandmother sat on a lone chair in the middle of a room at LangfordB次元官网网址檚 Indigenous Perspective Society, on a sunny weekday morning, and pensively scanned the floor before starting the conversation.

Baker mentioned that after suffering multiple strokes, her mother, Marlene, had spent long periods in hospitals. It was while she was at VictoriaB次元官网网址檚 Royal Jubilee Hospital, that medical staff informed Carol of her motherB次元官网网址檚 dementia.

B次元官网网址淭here were times that she was having flashbacks from when she was in residential school,B次元官网网址� explained Baker. B次元官网网址淪he'd wake up and say, B次元官网网址楥an you look for my math book? The nuns are coming to pick it up and grade my book.'

B次元官网网址淭here were things she was saying that weren't making any sense, but we just sat there and listened to her.B次元官网网址�

The doctors advised her not to argue or correct her mother, as it could lead to confusion and distress, which could potentially worsen her symptoms. Instead, Carol focused on comforting her during panic episodes, carefully avoiding contradictions or confrontations.

Eventually, Baker would move her mother to her house. 

B次元官网网址淚 had to tell my tribe, B次元官网网址楾here are things that you guys aren't gonna be able to mention when you are talking to grandma and great grandmaB次元官网网址� because it brings flashbacks,B次元官网网址橞次元官网网址� said Baker. B次元官网网址淥ne thing that we weren't allowed to mention to her was chicken because that's all they had [in residential school].B次元官网网址�

MarleneB次元官网网址檚 long-buried memories from her time at TofinoB次元官网网址檚 Christie Roman Catholic school occasionally resurfaced, offering glimpses into her troubled past. ItB次元官网网址檚 these moments that allowed Baker to slowly piece together the fragmented puzzle of her motherB次元官网网址檚 life B次元官网网址� one that had remained incomplete until now.

In the shadow of a residential school

Marlene gave birth to Carol at 16. Growing up without her father, Baker explained that her mother left an abusive relationship to safeguard the family.

Raised in Nanaimo, Carol quickly developed a keen sense of resourcefulness, taking on the role of leader in her household as the firstborn. She described her childhood as one overshadowed by drugs and alcohol.

B次元官网网址淪he did a lot of drinking with my youngest brother's father,B次元官网网址� said Baker. B次元官网网址淲e didn't have much of a relationship with her because we got put into a foster home when I was eight.B次元官网网址�

Separated from her mother, Carol and her brother Charlie were sent south to Langford. 

Eventually, the two were reunited with their grandmother and later with their mother after a judge granted custody of the children. While young Carol welcomed the news, reuniting with her mother and long-lost sibling proved to be a challenging transition. 

B次元官网网址淲e're happy to be back home,B次元官网网址� Baker said. B次元官网网址淲e were able to all get along and stay under the same roof [but] I donB次元官网网址檛 remember how long it took for us to call her mom again.B次元官网网址�

Although her mother made visible efforts to maintain her sobriety, she would occasionally relapse when memories from the past resurfaced. 

B次元官网网址淸Sometimes] her friends would talk about the residential school and it would get her mad,B次元官网网址� Baker said. B次元官网网址淭here were times that we wouldn't see her for a day or two. She would come back and tell us that she was sorry.B次元官网网址� 

Carol remembered managing the household during school days and becoming a surrogate mother to her siblings.

The mounting pressure on the young woman eventually took its toll, and to escape the constant strain, the young woman ran away from her home.

Over the years, Carol fought her own battle with alcoholism, teetering on the edge of life on the streets.

Breaking the cycle

Despite being raised by her mother and grandmother, both of whom had experienced residential schools, Baker mentioned that she never truly understood the impact these institutions had on her loved ones as she was growing up. Her former partner of 16 years, , a survivor of the Nanaimo Indian Hospital, never shared his experiences throughout their relationship.

Over the years, Baker noticed a pervasive silence surrounding the topic of residential schools B次元官网网址� one rooted in shame, pain, and trauma.

B次元官网网址淥ne time, I saw my mom crying and then I started focusing more on what residential schools were really about.B次元官网网址�

In the past decade, as the Canadian government acknowledged its historical atrocities and began providing compensation, Baker gradually pieced together the missing parts of her own story and understood the gravity of what survivors endured.

Despite their tumultuous relationship, Baker now accepts her mother without judgment, remaining open and willing to listen.

B次元官网网址淎fter she had a flashback I would tell her that we can talk about itB次元官网网址� you've got to let things out,B次元官网网址� said Baker. B次元官网网址淵ou can't keep holding on to it because it's just gonna make your chest heavy.B次元官网网址�

Trauma, sustained by silence, can be passed down through generations; but speaking about it can bring healing.

B次元官网网址淚 want it to be the change,B次元官网网址� said Baker. B次元官网网址淚 keep telling my kids to always use their ears and their eyes, not their mouth, to listen for when somebody is talking about residential school so that they can learnB次元官网网址� and help this person.B次元官网网址�

The grandmother hopes to instill this philosophy in her children, grandchildren, and community, aiming to break this long-standing cycle of pain.

Paying it forward

Nearly four years ago, Baker was hired as a support worker at VictoriaB次元官网网址檚 House of Courage which offers a safe home for Indigenous Peoples experiencing homelessness.

While Baker recognizes her job as taxing at times, it holds significant meaning for her. More than anything, it provides a sense of purpose in a community she cherishes, making helping others one of the central themes of her life.

Kristin Spray, who is involved with VictoriaB次元官网网址檚 Orange Shirt Day, observed this transformation in Carol shortly after they met 25 years ago. At that time, Spray noted, Baker was facing challenging times just a year after losing her eldest son.

B次元官网网址淚 believe it was an elder who encouraged her, in her grief, to help others. From the time I've met Carol, that's all she does,B次元官网网址� Spray said. 

Beyond inviting people for dinner and supporting those in need, Baker takes on the unofficial role of therapist, both at work and in the community, acting as an island of safety, offering a listening ear to those who wish to share their stories.

By embracing the cathartic process of sharing and listening to one anotherB次元官网网址檚 sorrows, and genuinely connecting through shared experiences, Carol observed that it can help heal the wounds of intergenerational trauma and allow people to move beyond old pain.

B次元官网网址淚've been pretty much through everything that they've been through, so I [understand]. Listening to them is the best way I can help.B次元官网网址�

Support for survivors and their families is available. Call the Indian Residential School Survivors Society at 1-800-721-0066, or 1-866-925-4419 for the 24-7 crisis line. The KUU-US Crisis Line Society also offers 24-7 support at 250-723-4050 for adults, 250-723-2040 for youth, or toll free at 1-800-588-8717.