When ChilliwackB次元官网网址檚 Kevin Sawatzky died of an overdose in the summer of 2020, Elizabeth Sawatzky was angry. Her husband of six years made one stupid and impulsive decision, and because of that she lost the love of her life. One word ran through her head endlessly.
Why?
Why would he do that? Why would he throw away his life so recklessly, and leave her alone to raise their teenaged daughter without a father?
Why?
Anger can make a person cynical and bitter and shut them off from the world. Elizabeth may have spiraled into darkness if not for the push of a button. She was at the funeral home the day Kevin was due to be cremated. Elizabeth was still very, very angry and maybe the person running the cremator recognized that because he asked her if she wanted to start the cremator.
Weird question, right? But yes. Yes she did. She was so mad at Kevin and so she stabbed that button.
B次元官网网址淲hen youB次元官网网址檙e so mad at somebody and you just want to punch them in the face, but you canB次元官网网址檛 because theyB次元官网网址檙e dead, what do you do?B次元官网网址� Elizabeth asked. B次元官网网址淵ou light them on fire.B次元官网网址�
She wrote a long letter to Kevin. She took his favourite book and put concert tickets and cards and other mementos within its pages. Those two items were cremated with him, and as she watched the flames through a little window a strange thing happened. She could feel the anger leaving her body. Elizabeth remembered the love and laughs and life they shared and she found peace with three words.
I forgive you.
B次元官网网址斺赌斺赌�-
Two-and-a-half years later, itB次元官网网址檚 not easy for Elizabeth to talk about. ThereB次元官网网址檚 a reason we donB次元官网网址檛 often hear from the families of overdose victims, summed up in one word. Stigma. ThereB次元官网网址檚 stigma around drug users, who are considered weak and selfish for doing what they do. If they die, horrible as it sounds, people say, B次元官网网址榃ell, they brought it on themself.B次元官网网址�
But thereB次元官网网址檚 stigma on their family too. What did you do to cause this? What didnB次元官网网址檛 you do that might have prevented it? Why werenB次元官网网址檛 you a better brother/sister/mother/father/spouse? Those questions are magnified when someone B次元官网网址榥ormalB次元官网网址� dies. When itB次元官网网址檚 someone from VancouverB次元官网网址檚 downtown eastside, itB次元官网网址檚 assumed that person came from a trauma-filled upbringing and this was the inevitable result. When itB次元官网网址檚 a lawyer or banker or teacher, there must be a reason for what they did.
When Elizabeth and KevinB次元官网网址檚 mother, Charlene Vermeer, were approached by Kwantlen Polytechnic University to tell their story in ,B次元官网网址� they didnB次元官网网址檛 hesitate. Elizabeth viewed the podcast as a B次元官网网址渨eird academic thingB次元官网网址� that not a lot of people were going to listen to.
But when they were contacted by your friendly neighborhood Chilliwack Progress writer, that was different, because of the stigma.
B次元官网网址淭his is harder because this is my home community,B次元官网网址� Elizabeth admitted. B次元官网网址淚 am really conflicted because part of me feels I need to put it out there and use my voice, but another part of me feels like putting this out there to my community is such a personal thing. But a friend of mine said to me, B次元官网网址榃hat if it saves a life?B次元官网网址�
B次元官网网址淚f one mother doesnB次元官网网址檛 have to bury their child, it will be worth it,B次元官网网址� Charlene said.
B次元官网网址斺赌斺赌�-
Kevin was 45 years old the day he died on June 29, 2020. He and a colleague from work decided to get high together.
Kevin had a history with drugs. Years ago, when he lived in Vancouver, heB次元官网网址檇 been addicted to heroin. He worked very hard to get off it, and Elizabeth made it a condition of their being together that if he ever started using again, sheB次元官网网址檇 be gone. As far as she knew, heB次元官网网址檇 been clean for a long time.
B次元官网网址淚 donB次元官网网址檛 know if it was a complete one-off. Was there stuff I should have been looking for? Was I not paying attention?B次元官网网址� she still wonders. B次元官网网址淎t the same time, I couldnB次元官网网址檛 live my relationship with him wondering if he was using substances again. If youB次元官网网址檙e trusting your spouse, you shouldnB次元官网网址檛 have to be checking all the time, even though in hindsight, maybe I should have been. Should I have been secretly drug testing him? I donB次元官网网址檛 know.
B次元官网网址淚tB次元官网网址檚 all whys and what-ifs.B次元官网网址�
During his darkest days of addiction, Kevin survived several near-death overdoses, and Elizabeth believes he felt a sense of invincibility. It was a Monday. She figured he was bored and he thought heB次元官网网址檇 be OK if he was safe about it. He was doing drugs with someone else, with a Naloxone kit nearby, and he assumed the drugs were from a safe supply.
That was the fatal mistake.
According to a coronerB次元官网网址檚 report, the drugs in his body were a toxic mix of crystal meth and fentanyl. The co-worker lost consciousness for several hours. By the time she came out of it, he was dead.
According to the B.C. CoronerB次元官网网址檚 Service, Kevin is now part of a sad statistic. He was one of 1,774 overdose deaths across B.C. in 2020, followed by 2,306 in 2021 and 2,272 in 2022. An average of 6.2 people per day are dying.
B次元官网网址斺赌斺赌�-
B次元官网网址淚t was like it is in the movies, where the police come to your house and tell you what happened and you start screaming hysterically,B次元官网网址� Elizabeth says. B次元官网网址淚t was exactly like that.B次元官网网址�
She remembers that night vividly. The knock on the door and the police officers on the doorstep. She thought Kevin had been in a car accident. When they said overdose, she felt shocked. It was so unexpected she couldnB次元官网网址檛 even process what was happening.
B次元官网网址淚 was sad and angry later, but at the time, I was just numb,B次元官网网址� she recalled.
Charlene called it the worst day of her life and admits she wanted to hit Elizabeth when she arrived with the devastating news that Kevin was dead. Two years later she still struggles. Charlene didnB次元官网网址檛 get to push the button on the cremator and have that moment of closure. There are times when she still feels very angry, when a bad memory comes back like a tidal wave. Like any parent whoB次元官网网址檚 lost a child, she cries easily. But Charlene has learned that happy memories protect her from the horrible ones.
B次元官网网址斺赌斺赌�-
KevinB次元官网网址檚 death has left a void that can never be filled, but life does go on and he is a part of it. Throughout the hour long interview for this story his ashes sat on a nearby coffee table, listening in. There are so many things Elizabeth wanted to do with him, and sheB次元官网网址檚 forging on. HeB次元官网网址檚 been to their cabin. He flew with her to Calgary and he recently joined her on a trip to HellB次元官网网址檚 Gate.
B次元官网网址淗e fits perfectly in a cup holder,B次元官网网址� she laughed.
Charlene took him to Jamaica and Elizabeth has videos from friends whoB次元官网网址檝e taken B次元官网网址榩iecesB次元官网网址� of Kevin to scatter in places around the world.
They are trying very hard to move on, and Elizabeth very much uses humour to mask pain that will never go away. If he were to return for just a few minutes, she says sheB次元官网网址檇 tell him she loved him, and she misses him.
B次元官网网址淎nd I donB次元官网网址檛 know what IB次元官网网址檓 going to do with the rest of my life without him here.B次元官网网址�
B次元官网网址斺赌斺赌�-
Elizabeth and Charlene are sharing this story because they want to spare others from what theyB次元官网网址檝e endured.
Elizabeth has replayed KevinB次元官网网址檚 death over and over in her mind and sheB次元官网网址檚 concluded thereB次元官网网址檚 nothing she could have done to prevent it. But now, she says she can be a voice to help others and advocate for change. Elizabeth and Charlene have become passionate advocates for controversial health measures like a safe drug supply and safe injection sites.
Elizabeth believes that if Kevin had done drugs in a place where he was being supervised, heB次元官网网址檇 probably still be alive. If the drugs came from a safe supply, heB次元官网网址檇 almost certainly still be alive.
The word B次元官网网址榚nablingB次元官网网址� is thrown out as a counter argument to these things, and Elizabeth and Kevin talked about this before he died. Speaking from experience he told her that without a safe supply, you spend every day B次元官网网址榙oing the grind,B次元官网网址� looking for money however you can get it, then looking for your dealer.
B次元官网网址淚f youB次元官网网址檙e doing those things all day, every day, you have no time to do anything else, how can we expect those people to attend a program or service or access resources?B次元官网网址� Elizabeth asked.
B次元官网网址淭hatB次元官网网址檚 their sole purpose, figuring out how to get their next fix,B次元官网网址� Charlene added.
The other argument is cost. Using tax dollars to supply drugs to drug users isnB次元官网网址檛 a popular thing.
B次元官网网址淎nd thatB次元官网网址檚 true. It does come out of our pockets,B次元官网网址� Charlene conceded. B次元官网网址淏ut so does the ambulance ride, and the police and medical staff that are out there. The Naloxone kits weB次元官网网址檙e paying for and the overloaded hospitals. YouB次元官网网址檙e paying for it when your insurance goes up because you were robbed by someone trying to supply their habit. There are so many things weB次元官网网址檙e already paying for, so why not pay to save a life?B次元官网网址�
eric.welsh@theprogress.com
Like us on and follow us on .
