When a death has occurred, the immediate response for many families is to try to shield children B次元官网网址� from the emotional pain, but also from uncomfortable questions that can arise from an unfamiliar experience.
But regardless of how we try to protect them, children will feel strongly about the death of someone they cared about. Without the opportunity to discuss their feelings, ask questions and say goodbye, a child can feel left out, forgotten and even resentful, explains Julie Evans, manager of .
B次元官网网址淗ow we educate and speak to our children about death and funerals can have a lasting impact on how they navigate future losses B次元官网网址� of loved ones, but also a beloved pet, a job or even a teenage break-up,B次元官网网址� Evans says. B次元官网网址淏ut how do we have this conversation, especially if no one has ever had that conversation with us?B次元官网网址�
Death B次元官网网址� Keep the explanation simple, honest and age-appropriate. Avoid using terms like B次元官网网址榩assed awayB次元官网网址� or B次元官网网址榮leeping.B次元官网网址� B次元官网网址淓xplain things in a way the child can relate to B次元官网网址� when someone dies their body stops working, they stop breathing, they no longer talk, play, feel pain or cold,B次元官网网址� Evans says.
Funeral, memorial, celebration of life or afternoon to remember B次元官网网址� Explain that this is a time when family and friends gather to tell stories, support each other and express how much the person meant to them. ItB次元官网网址檚 an opportunity to grieve openly and share tears, which simply mean we care. B次元官网网址淲hen children donB次元官网网址檛 understand why people are crying, they can become confused and feel they have caused the sadness. Some children will even act out to try to change the energy and assume the blame for highly charged emotions around them.
Burial B次元官网网址� Explain that the casket will be placed in a special car, called a hearse or coach, and taken to the cemetery. There will be a big hole into which the casket is lowered. The hole is filled with dirt and eventually grass will grow.
Cremation B次元官网网址� ItB次元官网网址檚 essential that children know cremation does not hurt. Avoid using words like B次元官网网址渂urnB次元官网网址� and B次元官网网址渇ire,B次元官网网址� sharing instead that by using heat, the body is changed into particles that look like sand.
How to support children following a death
One way to help a child feel connected and involved following a death is by encouraging them to participate in a memorial. They might draw pictures to place in the casket, select photographs and share special stories, choose music or provide a poem for the service. They might choose a special item to give to the deceased, act as a pallbearer, carry flowers or create a table setting in memory of their loved one on a special day.
B次元官网网址淟ook for clues as to how much they wish to be involved and let them know they can change their mind. Giving a child the ability to make choices provides a sense of empowerment, crucial at a time when most feel powerless,B次元官网网址� Evans says.
Open communication and age-appropriate information will help ensure children are prepared. B次元官网网址淎 childB次元官网网址檚 imagination is often worse than the reality of an open, honest conversation. When we donB次元官网网址檛 know the answer to a question, itB次元官网网址檚 OK to say B次元官网网址業 donB次元官网网址檛 know but letB次元官网网址檚 find someone who does,B次元官网网址橞次元官网网址� Evans says, noting the Sands team is there to help. B次元官网网址淲hen it comes to those difficult questions, we often have the experience to help parents find the answers.B次元官网网址�
For more information about supporting children in the event of a death, stop by or visit online at . Additional resources are also available from .
