The calendar year is full of difficult days for people who are grieving.

Anniversaries of a life lived.

Birthdays and death days.

Tuesdays.

Any reminder has potential for pain, which means any moment can become one of grief, explains Marney Thompson, director of bereavement services for Victoria Hospice.

B次元官网网址淕rief itself is really a process of learning to live with, accommodating with whatB次元官网网址檚 happened,B次元官网网址� she said. B次元官网网址淭here are all kinds of reminders that are painful for people."

Winter is filled with varied holidays B次元官网网址� solstice, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day and New Years Eve B次元官网网址� that come with overarching narratives of wonder, magic and hope. They come with expectations based on traditions and rituals amplified when somebodyB次元官网网址檚 missing.

For people processing a recent loss, the start of a fresh new year isnB次元官网网址檛 necessarily a wonderful prospect filled with goals and ideals. They may rather go into each day with a profound and lingering understanding their person wonB次元官网网址檛 be there with them.

Her tips for those facing grief in the traditional times of happiness range to what is best for them. She recommends trying something new, knowing changes arenB次元官网网址檛 written in stone. 

During times of wider acknowledgement, such as Christmas, she recommends if people are comfortable, they talk within their family and friend groups to reflect on what this person and this holiday are about. Recognize or honour that personB次元官网网址檚 favourite food, charity or song.

B次元官网网址淲e often try to remind people doing it differently this year doesnB次元官网网址檛 mean your traditions are lost forever,B次元官网网址� Thompson said.

Depending on the situation, she encourages families to fill a stocking with memory notes, and read them at some point through the holidays. 

When her grandmother died, they set her place at the table for Christmas B次元官网网址� spurring spontaneous and emotional conversation and memory sharing. B次元官网网址淲e all cried through it. It was painful but it was a way to honour her.B次元官网网址�

While facing a friend or loved one handling grief can be daunting, thereB次元官网网址檚 value in acknowledgement.

A survey conducted in November and December 2023 for the Canadian Grief Alliance, found 53 per cent of respondents felt their grief went largely unrecognized by others. In contrast, they overwhelmingly wanted to talk about it B次元官网网址� 83 per cent said being asked about their loss was helpful.

B次元官网网址淭here are general and gentle enough words that invite people to show up if they choose to, to speak to how theyB次元官网网址檙e really doing,B次元官网网址� Thompson said.

SheB次元官网网址檚 also part of the Canadian Grief Alliance where they suggest opening dialogue with something like B次元官网网址淚 know this is a difficult time of year for a lot of people, is there anything you want to talk about?B次元官网网址�

The Alliance outlines easy ways to offer such as: B次元官网网址淵ouB次元官网网址檙e welcome to join us for dinner if youB次元官网网址檙e feeling up to it.B次元官网网址� 

Support can be as easy as offering an ear, a walk or physically helping with tasks such as making a meal.

B次元官网网址淵ou can see what the person brings forward and responds to that. ItB次元官网网址檚 really worthwhile to provide an invitation to speak to how it is,B次元官网网址� Thompson said. B次元官网网址淵ouB次元官网网址檙e just opening the door.B次元官网网址�

Be ready to follow through on the offer, and just as much, be willing to accept a no, a brush-off or silence.

There is an appropriate way to address loss, and it doesnB次元官网网址檛 include the words B次元官网网址渁t least theyB次元官网网址檙e in a better place.B次元官网网址�

B次元官网网址淓ven clients have said, B次元官网网址業f it starts with B次元官网网址榓t leastB次元官网网址� I donB次元官网网址檛 want to hear itB次元官网网址�,B次元官网网址� Thompson said. B次元官网网址淚tB次元官网网址檚 bright-siding their pain.B次元官网网址�

While human nature compels many to fluff people up or fix them, grief isnB次元官网网址檛 something to be repaired but rather integrated into lives.

B次元官网网址淕rief itself is really a process of learning to live with, accommodating with, whatB次元官网网址檚 happened,B次元官网网址� Thompson said. B次元官网网址淲e donB次元官网网址檛 leave people in our past when they die.B次元官网网址�

They continue to live in hearts and minds.

Victoria Hospice hosts several workshops with videos available online at . 

The Canadian Grief Alliance offers online resources at .