Yes, thereB次元官网网址檚 a giant bear and, yes, . And, yes, just as you probably suspected, the movie blows.

We have officially sunk very low with way past other films where the title alone describes the only thing that happens, like B次元官网网址淪nakes on a Plane,B次元官网网址� B次元官网网址淲e Bought a ZooB次元官网网址� or B次元官网网址淪harknado.B次元官网网址�

Aping other genres of filmmaking, this one never finds its own voice or a way to integrate the ultra-violence with the dark comedy. ItB次元官网网址檚 like a parody of a parody that director Elizabeth Banks has turned limp and pointless. If you think itB次元官网网址檚 hysterical to see a bear do a bump off a severed leg stump, by all means, the movie theater is this way.

But where does it all go from here? Just match an apex predator with a Schedule II drug and fall deeper into a movie future with B次元官网网址淥xycodone OspreyB次元官网网址� or B次元官网网址淐odeine CrocodileB次元官网网址�?

The best thing to say is that, even at an efficient 95 minutes, B次元官网网址淐ocaine BearB次元官网网址� just snorts along. When a drug runner in a plane in 1985 on Blood Mountain in Georgia, a 500-pound black bear ingests a brick of it and naturally wants more (At this point, we must call it Pablo Escobear, right?).

Unfortunately, there are different groups of people who happen to be in the woods at the same time B次元官网网址� a pair of European backpackers, a teen and her friends skipping school for a hike, a trio of thugs, a pair of park ranger types, the drug runnerB次元官网网址檚 associates and a cop on the hunt.

The movie stars Keri Russell, Isiah Whitlock Jr., Margo Martindale, Kristofer Hivju, OB次元官网网址橲hea Jackson Jr., Alden Ehrenreich and the late Ray Liotta. All deserve hazard pay. This is not a career high.

Eagle-eyed viewers will note that the presence of Russell and Martindale plus a cameo from Matthew Rhys combines three members of the Cold War-era spy TV series B次元官网网址淭he Americans.B次元官网网址� ThatB次元官网网址檚 an indication of the kind of meta humor here.

ThereB次元官网网址檚 a reference to Pines Mall, which is a little nod to B次元官网网址淏ack to the Future,B次元官网网址� but who really cares? B次元官网网址淛ane,B次元官网网址� the opening song, is an homage to B次元官网网址漌et Hot American Summer,B次元官网网址� which Banks co-starred in and had the same Jefferson Starship opening tune. Looking for Easter eggs takes your mind of the meandering script.

Banks and screenwriter Jimmy Warden have created a mashup of Quentin Tarantino bloodfests, Sam RaimiB次元官网网址檚 scare tactics and the Coen brothersB次元官网网址� absurdity. The bear will sneak up behind its victims, race silently, leap in slo-mo, luxuriate under a dust cloud of coke, behead enemies, climb trees and walk on its hind legs, snarling. If only it snorted enough coke to stay up all night and write a better plot.

The filmmakers are also clearly trying their hand at satire, but ham-fistedly. Set during the Reagan-era B次元官网网址淛ust Say NoB次元官网网址� period, B次元官网网址淐ocaine BearB次元官网网址� hopes to remark on the demonization of drugs and it also seems to have something to say about how humans misunderstand the balance of nature. Neither work.

If you want to use a bear to talk about larger things, look no further than 1997B次元官网网址檚 dark B次元官网网址淭he Edge,B次元官网网址� with a screenplay by David Mamet exploring masculinity and intellectualism, or even 1988B次元官网网址檚 light B次元官网网址淭he Bear,B次元官网网址� about the nobleness of creatures B次元官网网址� it even has a bear cub eating hallucination-inducing mushrooms. B次元官网网址淐ocaine BearB次元官网网址� is like a dull butter knife against those two.

Remarkably, no real bears were used this time. Weta FX, the New Zealand-based special effects company founded by Peter Jackson, supplied the massive flaked-up and all-digital ursine, complete with a mangled ear and scars on its snout. The soundtrack is pure B次元官网网址�80s B次元官网网址� ScandalB次元官网网址檚 B次元官网网址淭he Warrior,B次元官网网址� BerlinB次元官网网址檚 B次元官网网址淣o More WordsB次元官网网址� and Depeche ModeB次元官网网址檚 very appropriate B次元官网网址淛ust CanB次元官网网址檛 Get Enough.B次元官网网址�

And in another bit of trickery, B次元官网网址淐ocaine BearB次元官网网址� was shot largely in rural Ireland, which the creators say closely resembles the Georgia mountain wilderness. Actually, that reminds us of what else bears famously do in the woods. These filmmakers left us a pile of it.

B次元官网网址淐ocaine Bear,B次元官网网址� a Universal Pictures release that hits theaters Friday, is rated R for B次元官网网址渂loody violence and gore, drug content and language throughout.B次元官网网址� Running time: 95 minutes. Zero stars out of four.

B次元官网网址擬ark Kennedy, The Associated Press